Love

I want to be the best girlfriend he ever had.

Impossible to forget.

To be the super sweet girl i used to be.

I want to make Us, beautiful and lasting.

Because im happy whenever im with him.

Beauty of Today

Life took a turn.

It was topsy turvy, but i found the strength to move on. I finally walked out of the dark place.

I started believing in love again.

& i found love in someone, i never thought i would be with.

Whose name, i call out so dearly. Whose hands i hold on to & hate to let go.

The one my heart chose to open up to. But this heart is still afraid.

I will admit honestly, im still afraid.

But im giving this a chance. Hope it turns out well.

The Dark Past

Here i am again, after so long...

I miss blogging all of a sudden.

& you've missed out on a lot stuffs that happened this year.

I would say, 2011 hasn't been the best year of my life.

The number of unfortunate events happens to be more tremendous than the joyous ones.

But i guess, everything happens for a reason, but maybe it took a longer time for me to accept and move along.

The person i used to love the most, in the end, left, just like that, it ended.

It was beautiful in a way, but it had to end. Maybe it was just not meant to be. I do regret, i still do at times. But its the past. I should bury them, oh wait, i already buried them, deep.

When it happened, it became the most tragic event. I spent countless nights crying for the loss. Because the relationship meant a lot to me. And i find it such a waste that after all that we've been through, it ended because of the existence of one person that never knew our story. We were classmates, group mates, squad mate, best friends and lovers at the same time. However, our trust depleted, that it became so fine, that i believed a stranger over him. But i had a reason not to trust him. And im pretty sure, it was more than what he portrays it to be.

Days that came after, became the most saddest and miserable days. It feels like i was in a dark place all alone, because no one could understand the pain i'm going through, the things i did to keep us together, i put in a lot of effort. Then the scene when he threw my ring onto the road, knowing that i wouldn't be able to retrieve it because of the heavy traffic. It kept playing in my mind. And even then, i still tried to salvage what was left of the relationship. We did tried to get together again, it went on for a few months, but nothing good came out of it. Only regrets.

My heart was crushed.

It took me a long time to nurse my broken heart.

I find it hard to socialise. I didn't feel like socialising.

I was contented with being on my own, all alone.

Then i didn't let anyone in.

I kept pushing people away, fearing if i let them in, i might get myself hurt again...

Life's like that

Hello guys!

Yes it has been a very long time since i updated. Its getting pretty dusty here.

And i have a pretty strong feeling that no human would be reading this.

But if you happen to be reading this, then Hello! ;p

Its already 4th April 2011.

Wow, dont time flies fast. Too fast. I dont even have the time to stop and stare.

2nd April just past. Ohhyeahh

I cant believe it myself.

Okay, so for the whole of this week, i would be really really free.

But probably i would be visiting the office to do my work, while my boss is not around.

I was offered to be a telemarketer cum administration assistant.

My first response would be, No wayy am i going to make calls to strangers and talk to them like i've known them.

But lets look at a different point of view.

I will be learning some good social skills, it might even make me a friendly person i have never been unlike my boyfriend who is a friend to everyone he meets. -.- Love him for that.

Its also a valuable experience apart from earning a higher income.

Last Friday, i went back to Bowen.

I went to help the Sec Twos with their drills.

And for the very first time, after a long time, i shouted commands.

At first it felt awkward, but slowly i started to gain confidence.

I learned a lot too.

And yeah, i guess i still have the NCO punch hahha.

It felt really great to be able to shout again. woohoo.

Next would be Polytechnic.

Temasek Polytechnic, Computer Engineering. Why on Earth?

But lets not give a shit about why i didnt appeal for other course other than Computer Engineering. Too late anyway.

Dont look back my friend...

It sounds so geeky and techky is there such a word?

But since im in it i shall live it.

3 yrs is going to be fast.

Chop chili chop and Done!

I want to be a nerd at Poly!!

19 April-21 April Orientation :)

Im so going to wear that geeky glasses...

And one more thing June 11 CIBTC.

I just received the nomination form. And im nervous about it.

I know its just a nomination form, it doesnt guarantee that i will be chosen. But what if i am chosen and what if i am not chosen?

And to those who know me really well, you know i have that one problem which i kept telling myself, and people have been telling me not to worry so much about it. I tried, but at times it does get to me. And it is always pulling me back. But i want to conquer it.

And to my dearest friends, i miss you guys so much. Its so difficult to meet these days.

Priya, i miss you :)

It seems like everything has gone wrong.

Feel the pain, take the pill, shut the door and drown yourself.

Tapi orang yang tak beriman aje lah yang buat macam gini.

Kay, confidence, number one.

Im such an ignorant ass. Oblivious to your thoughts and feelings.

Rewind back, what is he referring to? Trust.

It must have been a misunderstanding.

I wouldnt do something unless there is a reason for it. Though, always the reason crashes into his perceptions.

The fact is im inconsistent. Thats me.

IMY

Well, im blogging here, because its my off day today...

I just want to say, that i really miss him.

I wont be able to see him for this week, but hopefully i could next week.

This week has been really challenging.

First day of work, i had to work full shift. All the way until clear up.

Clearing up was tiring because the wagons are really heavy and there were like 20 of them and only 2 people pushing them in. Not to mention the slopes too!

After that i was so exhausted, because it has been quite some time that i had to stand for very long hours. And i only had muffins for lunch and dinner. So as expected, i was hungry when i reached home. But too tired to eat, so i went to sleep. My appetite hasnt been good lately, i dont eat much, and i havent get my menses for this month, but im having abdominal cramps...

The next day which is Tuesday. I woke up in the morning to work at Prudential. At which, around 12.30pm i head to Bugis, for this other job for night shift.

Yet another exhausting day, but time really flies faster when you have a friend to talk to when there is no customer. This time round the bus was a single deck bus and it was full, so i had to stand for half the journey until i finally got a seat and close my eyes.

The very next day i had to work morning shift, dragging the wagon out and arranging them is tiring when your partner is selfish and dumb. Tell you something about this partner, she didnt help to drag out the wagons, thats fine with me because she is arranging them. But whats not fine with me is that she only handled her section and left my section for me to handle myself, i have 12 wagons while she has 8, i dont get it why she is taking so long to arrange them and lend a helping hand to me.The frustrating part was that she also arranged her section wrongly and took up a lot of space. If she arranged 2 to 2, my space would be narrower, so i shouted at her, "Listen! Arrange it 4 to 4, like in the first day, that way, i would have more space for my 12 wagons!" She's older than me, but im smarter than her.And she's so stubborn headed, just because she is experienced it does not gives her the right to do things her way.

So after the other promoter came in and took over my place, i went to had my lunch and head to Bishan to cover for someone else. Its scary to be on your own in a unfamiliar place with no guidance. Its not that i have never been to Junction8, but its the part where you have to take the back entrance and go through security checks, i have never been in there. So upon reaching there, i was sort of lost,  so i called my Manager and she gave me a really mouthful of directions, so i took note some of the important things to look for. At last, i found the door, thanks to my good sense of direction and excellent eye sight, it feels like im in amazing race. Plus, i wasnt shy to ask around, one of the lady in the security check room, helped me to punch my card and stuffs. So in the mall, i looked for my brand, and had no idea what im supposed to do. Luckily, one of the workers was kind enough to helped me and explained, she also showed me the room and the places where i can find new set of stocks. After that, i was on my own. I took the initiative to look around, learn where i could find certain stocks. After that, i felt lonely. I had no friend to talk to. There is one guy who seems friendly to everyone, but he doesnt want to talk to me. So i tried to strike a conversation, by asking how long has he been working there. But then it ended just like that too. So i just did my own stuffs, text people, scribble on a piece of paper. Its a weekday, and there werent many customers... My 5 hours, there felt very very very long.... Until a malay girl came in. She belongs to another brand which is just beside mine. In fact,i was covering up for her friend. She is really friendly. Again, i started the conversation,since she also looks bored. Then we started to talk about relationships and stuffs... Time flies much faster.

Now i think it boosted my confidence and i guess, i'll be much ready to take up new challenges. Ohhyeaahhh

And lastly, i miss you Muhammad Khalid :)

Wild

I really have nothing to write.

I love my simple life, it all started with a simple plan. It then branches out to many other plans.
I made new friends and i realised that they were somehow part of the simple initial plan. But right now, i forgot whats the plan and i have no future plans. Thus i feel so unplanned and a little messed up and disorganised. Maybe i should get myself an organiser so that i could organise my plans...

Currently, im daring myself to take up two jobs at the same time... Both are also quite far from my house. -.- but what to do. One is really slack, another, i hope it would require more discipline and more of a challenge. Challenges pisses me off, but then again it would mean that i would have something to whine and complain about. Because the problem with me is, IM BORED! So i might as well make myself useful. Generate some income for the family. And hopefully, pamper myself.

And! I cant wait to receive my 5th consecutive edusave scholarship award... it makes me feel richer for awhile. heheee

NEX mall at serangoon are filled with bowenians... geee

Sometimes, i want to be wild. But thankfully i am surrounded with people that cares to pull me back to the shores if i drift off further into the ocean.

He Loves It!!

This font makes me want to blog... Its funny uhh...

Lets backtrack a little.
21 November:Daddy's 53rd birthday. Eldest sister, bought durian cake and durian puffs, because it was his favourite.

Then i had to work...

Dearest had to go for CIBTC...*sad sad sad
And then, after days of boysick... he finally came out...

Did i mention? I made him a small gift which i myself love it, and he does too!! yeay!! 3 cheers for myself!!
What about the gift?? well its a secret... shuuusshhh

Today was Rosma's BBQ, yummeh!!
i want sleep -.-

Busy Busy

Pheww, what a tiring day.
Havent really had my beauty rest for the week.
In the beginning of the week, busy with shopping for Prom stuffs, then Prom night...
The very next day, had to rush to school... then went to Raihan's house to grab my belongings...
Then meet sis at compass point.
At night when to school, for GG Campfire. Feels like a marathon. -.-

This morning, i was drag to the gym. Didnt do much, just wasted my time there.
Then went to Bedok Lib, read book and pass some stuffs...


Tomorrow, i would like to stay at home and rest. But then, my mum wants to do spring cleaning... Die...
Monday still need to go to work. Dread...
I want to cry.

Prom Night!

Its my life and its now or never, i ain't gonna live forever...
My heart is like an open highway,
I just wanna live when i'm alive...

Last Night was Prom Night!
And i'm glad to say that i enjoyed my night very much...It is after all a once in a lifetime event, there may be more dinner and dance events to come, but the meaning, purpose and people would be different, right??
In the morning, i rushed to get my hair done...
After which, i zoomed to Rye's crib.
This dear, helped me with my make up... And i look really nice :) Thank you so much Raihan! :))
By the way, i am awed by her complete make-up kit. Mayynn, i have to own them some day, it might be really useful even though i may not be the make up type kinda girl...I rarely use them, except maybe for light make-up.
...I changed into my dress, and helped Rosma to curl her hair. She has really thick hair, i was drained of energy, but nevermind, train my arms...
When everyone came, we took the minibus to the hotel.

We had some pathetic but memorable moment.
Just as we had thought we had reached our hotel, we realised that the minibus driver had actually drop us off at the wrong place. We had to call back the driver to pick us up again. Everyone was like fucked up, but that soon dissipate... and we were all back to our hyper, enthusiastic mood.
Upon reaching the hotel, well the party have already started as everyone was running around snapping pictures with almost anyone they see.

The dinner was awesome, the food was really really delicious, i just wished i had more time to feast on it. I didnt really get to taste much of the desserts.
The fun and games was really cool, but just maybe some of the people that participated wasnt really cool at All. Not supporting. If you want to be shy and stuff, or want to remain cool and not embarass yourself, or even think that it is not cool to do catwalk and dance, you might as well not go up the stage and let other people participate then. Doesn't that makes much more sense?
The emcee was really engaging. I admire his interpersonal skills. Which by the way, i saw him at Compass Point today. ;)

This year's Prom King & Queen was conquered by the Sec 5s. We really make our presence felt strong.
Chella was the Prom King, while Raihan was the Prom Queen :D
They were really fun people, and well i can say, they own the competition. ooohhyyyeahhh

And then, all the dancing and stuffs, tiring... I let my hair go, afterall it would be my first and the last.
Freaking tired. Meet up with Rouhui and Priya, snap some photos and then we were on our way back home.
Reach home at about 12.30am.
And i crash landed!

Early bird

Today, i was early for work... So i waited at the pantry until somebody comes.... I was so freaking bored...I had to play Sudoku to kill time.

Work for awhile only... about 2 and a half hours... Did some really boring stuffs and "tak masuk akal", i think im going to find another job.
Make a new friend, with the previous guy, tomorrow is his last day, so after that i have to cover his job. He tell me all the list of things to do and phheewww, its a very long list.
At about 12pm, i buzz off... To meet Khalid and Kumar at Bowen.
We head to Temasek Polytechnic for a openhouse, on Digital Forensic.
Got a thumbdrive as a free gift.
The talk was enriching. I was really motivated to take up that course...
The experts talked about what to look forward and the kind of job that the course offers. Interesting even though the jobs are really tedious. But it is in high demand. :)



My back aches! ;(

Specially for them

To those committed S*******, I admire your work, really... very alert, observant and always critical in judgment.

But lately, i find S**** filled with irrelevant and minor and sometimes insensitive posts.
In a few occasions, the words used to describe the situation is rather too harsh.
Thus i urge S*******, to find something more critical and and unbiased use of words.

Sometimes, some pictures shows that Singaporeans arent really entitled to any privacy in public, photographs of people being snapped secretly over things that they did just because the Stomper feels it is socially unacceptable. Now that too, is intruding people's privacy. Not just that, you are making it known to the whole country and yes, perhaps the whole World.

Singaporeans should stop being frantic...
For example the Sikh thingy... yes it is a dangerous weapon, but the reason behind it is for religious purposes...
Its not like this person has any other choice, if we condemn them, what public transport could they take then? This would then affect their daily life. If its true this pose a threat to other commuters, why is it that only now, this thing is made into a big deal? To be honest, i didnt realise this actually exist, besides we havent heard of Sikhs rampaging in MRTs. So dont make a BIG deal out of it. Secondly, dont link it with the current gang situation, its utterly RUDE! An example of a rude remark would be "Be a Sikh, you can flaunt daggers."Besides im sure the Police knows their job, they have better judging skills, to recognise who is a Sikh and who is not, in case all the gangsters starts to claim themselves as Sikhs.

Please dont suggest for tighter securities in MRT,because they might set up screening checks and baggage checks just like those in Airports. Im sure Singaporeans wouldnt want to waste their time being checked. Singaporeans are after all, living a fast-pace life. This would only slow us down.

Snapping pictures of people making out, smooching and hugging - seriously, dont you have anything better to do? Just because they did it in public, it gives you the right to post it on the Internet. This is how Pathetic Singaporeans are, being living in a crowded country there is no Private place, everywhere you go, you are being watched, judged and criticised. To add on to the bad situation, now you have undercover paparazzi. You go somewhere quiet, you get caught, people make a big deal out of it, you go public, everybody sees it, people make a big deal out of it. It makes NO difference. People are always making a big hoo-hah of everything. -.-

Dont ask the stupid question, "Should teenagers be engaged in Boy-Girl relationships?"
How many of us knew of people who were married to people they had been in a relationship since Secondary School? Its a norm thing!
Dont be so judgmental and lack tolerance, unless you are going to be the author for Singaporean's Code of Conduct In Public.

The one possible reasons for gangsters going berserk lately is because they feel trap living in Singapore...
You live in high-rise buildings where to your left, right, front, back, above, below is your neighbours. You take the bus, its always crowded with people. You take the Mrt, you are packed like a can of corn-beefs. You have to have the tickets to life - $$$. No $$$, you can sit one corner and fly kite.
Parents are stressed out over $$$, it is passed to the kids, and as a results-- Kids going Wild. ;)


Well, all of the above, is just my opinion, my thoughts in my blog. If you have a problem with this, feel free to approach me and not make a big deal out of it.

The End...

Hello :P

Today marks the end of 'O' Level, and of course, with that, its the end of our Secondary School.

MCQ paper... like what Mr Tan said "it was reasonable, not that easy, but not that difficult..."
Sadly, i found out that one of my answers is wrong... But dont think that i would fail. Whatever -.- its OVER!

Anyway, after that, I went to Compass Point with Khalid for some bank thingy... i was like a moral support for him..., right Khalid??

After that, went to Rye's crib... to have a small FUN time!!
They bought all the ingredients, and we cooked!
At first, i didnt really get the idea of what they were trying to do... until i wait and see...
I thought it was quite weird because its the first time i tried it... Not bad after all... Delicious...
The brownies was yummy!!
And so easy to do... yeayyyy

After that we chatted a lot... dont know what Ustream stuffs... they play guitar... facebook...
I was kinda lost, i dont know what to do...
So i looked at Rye's Make-Up stuffs... hehehe so interesting...

Comics

Hello!!! XD

Its the 10th of November!!
Two more days to end of Hell.
After that, would be Heaven.
Anyway, i don't think i did well for Os...
Probably because i have actually lost hope...
I don't know, we will just see the results next year.
Whatever happens, happens just have to move on in life. ;) aites

Today, woke up quite late...
No breakfast, so i ate Ice-Cream.
Mum and dad, missing in action...
Brother has to work, he cooked Noodles but couldn't finish it so i did.

At about 12pm, i get ready...
I don't like to stay at home alone and i have nothing to do.
So i meet bf, at Bedok.
Went to Library to study... (ya' right)
In the end, we read comic books instead...
Garfield is really cute...
Went home, play here and there...

By 5.30pm reached home...
Suddenly, everybody is at home... -.-''
But good, because there is FOOD because Im HUNGRY!!
The hunger pangs have gone out of control lately ;(

By the way, i still have no idea what to wear for Prom... Pathetic or whuatt?

Tomorrow i will study, just pray i don't turn on the Television or the Computer. pfft

These are some of the things that i want to do:

1. Watch lots and lots of movies.
2. Ice-Cream date with Priya. (No i didnt forget)
3. Date with Hayati!!
4. Make $$$.
5. Buy Prom dress
6. Treat Shahira...
7. CSI experience
8. Universal Studios with Family
9. Dinner with Family
10. Buy shoes
11. Go shopping with sisters and perhaps mom.
12. there is still more...

These are some of the things that i have to remember:

1. 15 Nov: Temasek Poly, Digital Forensics "openhouse?"
2. 18 Nov: Prom Night
3. 19 Nov: ITE MacPherson Openhouse (you think i should go??)
4. 8 Dec: Nanyang Poly, IT "camp?"
5. more to come...

Un-fate-ful

Everything seems to have gone wrong for yesterday.
I was traumatised in the morning, my brother was sick, Mr Ismail passed away.

My condolences to his family.

I will always remember Mr Ismail as a man with wise words.
Many stories to tell, humorous and ever so patient.
Im going to miss seeing his car every morning the moment i reach school.
Im going to miss asking him to send us home, though he never did.
He always believe in us.
Im going to miss his wide smile everytime we greet each other...

Rest in Peace.
Al-Fatehah for him.
Allah loved him more and wants him to be by His side.

Minutes before being DOOMED

After doing that ^^ for quite some time.
I kinda forget what i wanted to blog about.
...
okay i remembered....


Today suck BIG TIME!! I mean seriously... Do i have to do that kind of mistake in times like this??!!
Its crazy, crazy like hell.
To top that, i drag someone that i really really love with me!!
Stupid stupid stupid me!!
Oh-Gosh, if it was only me, i could take that, but him, no i couldnt.
I cant believe it happened.

Its 8am Khairiah, not 2pm and not 2.30pm.
You really have to tighten the screw of your brain.

Thank Allah, i have the gut-feeling to wake up and check the bloody timetable.
Can you imagine if i have woke up at 10am?? I could have missed the whole fucking paper and there goes my combined humanities...considering that i only have 5 subjects, i cant afford to get terminated for one subject...

And so i manage to reach school on time, because i ran all the way, ran like im running for my life. -.- I was lucky.
I sat down, my stomach starts to hurt. Im worried shit. I couldnt concentrate but i tried hard to, i did the paper as best as i could-maybe i did not, because i gave up half-way. Anyway, its-OVER!

I have to start planning for my future NOW. Get prepared for the worst.

***Im sorry, you trusted me & i let you down.

So far...

Hello!!
Two more papers to go... Social Studies and Science P1.

I'm suppose to be studying... but mum asked me to clean the kitchen. I was home alone, and a big fat black lizard decided to give me a surprise visit. I shout and ran around the house, felt like calling the police but then it would be stupid and crazy to do so. And so i am here, on the PC.

That black thing is gone, don't know where to...
But i still feel unsafe... It could jump at me anytime. It has to be dead before i feel safe.

Okay i will start studying at 1pm. The time now is 11.44am.

three themes and my SBQ.

5 years didnt seem to be enough

5 Years of bitter and sweet in Bowen have made me to who i am today.
Regardless if you were my friend or my foe, you have definitely made an impact in my life. You have mould me into someone independent, you have toughen me up by pushing me to the limits and supporting me through all odds. I am thankful and grateful to all teachers, friends, squad mates, seniors and juniors.

All thanks to Bowen Secondary School. I used to hate this school for some sour events, but now, im introspective, i have a different view of the school. Thank you Bowen for giving me the opportunity to bring out the best in me, for sending me to India to broaden my perspective, for enhancing my capabilities, and most importantly for nurturing me into a responsible person.

It is definite and without doubt that these 5 years have been filled with beautiful memories.
And shall be remembered and will follow me wherever i go.

To my NPCC squadmates, you guys were awesome, no doubt. I remember all the sweats and bullshits our seniors put us through. Regardless of all that, we remained united and we made it.
I wish i could elaborate on this more, but then it would take me days to do so. And i would re-illiterate that you guys are the BEST!!

To my beloved friends, you guys know me too well. Im very grateful to God for letting us meet. There is too much to say... Its impossible for me to say... right now i feel so emotional.
Its hard to leave it all behind. Its such an unfortunate thing for us to part. Everything is going to be different, soon everyone is going to lead a different life, find new friends... Hopefully we dont become strangers.

I guess, we will all continue from nothing.

420th post

hello blog... here's a little update for my faithful readers, not sure if i have one... dont mind...

Thankfully, i did well then i had expected for my Prelims though the real thing is going to be more nerve-wrecking, more intimidating and needs more commitment.

I have a pile of work that needs to be completed as soon as possible. I have also resolved to completing at least one book before my English Os. How pathetic is that?? I cant even find time to SIT DOWN AND READ.
By the way i got B4 for my english, thats like what i had of my expectations?? so its good.

& im still thinking whether or not to continue studying or start full-time job.
On the other hand, my part time job, i have put it on hold until my Os.

Anybody looking for a job??? Its simple, your job is only to type using Excel. Flexible timing and own time own target. $4/hr - reasonable since you just sit and type. You can even choose to slack at times.. :)

Selamat Hari Raya Aildilfitri

To all Muslims out there, Thank Allah!!! We made it.

I have exams when school reopens, its annoying, cant celebrate much.
Constantly reminded to study. So not cool.

Hari Raya mood not that much.

O levels are very near.

Sister's wedding, im not sure.
I want to be exited about it but her wedding is like a month before my first paper.
Which means, after her wedding i have a month left.
Gosh.
This is so terrifying.

I have to do well for my papers.
Especially my English language, i have to get at least a B4.

Overall, my Prelims have been a thrash...
I dont want to know my results.
Its going to make me sick.
I might vomit blood.


To someone, hey cheer up.

I swear i will do my very best for Os...