The Dark Past

Here i am again, after so long...

I miss blogging all of a sudden.

& you've missed out on a lot stuffs that happened this year.

I would say, 2011 hasn't been the best year of my life.

The number of unfortunate events happens to be more tremendous than the joyous ones.

But i guess, everything happens for a reason, but maybe it took a longer time for me to accept and move along.

The person i used to love the most, in the end, left, just like that, it ended.

It was beautiful in a way, but it had to end. Maybe it was just not meant to be. I do regret, i still do at times. But its the past. I should bury them, oh wait, i already buried them, deep.

When it happened, it became the most tragic event. I spent countless nights crying for the loss. Because the relationship meant a lot to me. And i find it such a waste that after all that we've been through, it ended because of the existence of one person that never knew our story. We were classmates, group mates, squad mate, best friends and lovers at the same time. However, our trust depleted, that it became so fine, that i believed a stranger over him. But i had a reason not to trust him. And im pretty sure, it was more than what he portrays it to be.

Days that came after, became the most saddest and miserable days. It feels like i was in a dark place all alone, because no one could understand the pain i'm going through, the things i did to keep us together, i put in a lot of effort. Then the scene when he threw my ring onto the road, knowing that i wouldn't be able to retrieve it because of the heavy traffic. It kept playing in my mind. And even then, i still tried to salvage what was left of the relationship. We did tried to get together again, it went on for a few months, but nothing good came out of it. Only regrets.

My heart was crushed.

It took me a long time to nurse my broken heart.

I find it hard to socialise. I didn't feel like socialising.

I was contented with being on my own, all alone.

Then i didn't let anyone in.

I kept pushing people away, fearing if i let them in, i might get myself hurt again...