Love

I want to be the best girlfriend he ever had.

Impossible to forget.

To be the super sweet girl i used to be.

I want to make Us, beautiful and lasting.

Because im happy whenever im with him.

Beauty of Today

Life took a turn.

It was topsy turvy, but i found the strength to move on. I finally walked out of the dark place.

I started believing in love again.

& i found love in someone, i never thought i would be with.

Whose name, i call out so dearly. Whose hands i hold on to & hate to let go.

The one my heart chose to open up to. But this heart is still afraid.

I will admit honestly, im still afraid.

But im giving this a chance. Hope it turns out well.

The Dark Past

Here i am again, after so long...

I miss blogging all of a sudden.

& you've missed out on a lot stuffs that happened this year.

I would say, 2011 hasn't been the best year of my life.

The number of unfortunate events happens to be more tremendous than the joyous ones.

But i guess, everything happens for a reason, but maybe it took a longer time for me to accept and move along.

The person i used to love the most, in the end, left, just like that, it ended.

It was beautiful in a way, but it had to end. Maybe it was just not meant to be. I do regret, i still do at times. But its the past. I should bury them, oh wait, i already buried them, deep.

When it happened, it became the most tragic event. I spent countless nights crying for the loss. Because the relationship meant a lot to me. And i find it such a waste that after all that we've been through, it ended because of the existence of one person that never knew our story. We were classmates, group mates, squad mate, best friends and lovers at the same time. However, our trust depleted, that it became so fine, that i believed a stranger over him. But i had a reason not to trust him. And im pretty sure, it was more than what he portrays it to be.

Days that came after, became the most saddest and miserable days. It feels like i was in a dark place all alone, because no one could understand the pain i'm going through, the things i did to keep us together, i put in a lot of effort. Then the scene when he threw my ring onto the road, knowing that i wouldn't be able to retrieve it because of the heavy traffic. It kept playing in my mind. And even then, i still tried to salvage what was left of the relationship. We did tried to get together again, it went on for a few months, but nothing good came out of it. Only regrets.

My heart was crushed.

It took me a long time to nurse my broken heart.

I find it hard to socialise. I didn't feel like socialising.

I was contented with being on my own, all alone.

Then i didn't let anyone in.

I kept pushing people away, fearing if i let them in, i might get myself hurt again...

Life's like that

Hello guys!

Yes it has been a very long time since i updated. Its getting pretty dusty here.

And i have a pretty strong feeling that no human would be reading this.

But if you happen to be reading this, then Hello! ;p

Its already 4th April 2011.

Wow, dont time flies fast. Too fast. I dont even have the time to stop and stare.

2nd April just past. Ohhyeahh

I cant believe it myself.

Okay, so for the whole of this week, i would be really really free.

But probably i would be visiting the office to do my work, while my boss is not around.

I was offered to be a telemarketer cum administration assistant.

My first response would be, No wayy am i going to make calls to strangers and talk to them like i've known them.

But lets look at a different point of view.

I will be learning some good social skills, it might even make me a friendly person i have never been unlike my boyfriend who is a friend to everyone he meets. -.- Love him for that.

Its also a valuable experience apart from earning a higher income.

Last Friday, i went back to Bowen.

I went to help the Sec Twos with their drills.

And for the very first time, after a long time, i shouted commands.

At first it felt awkward, but slowly i started to gain confidence.

I learned a lot too.

And yeah, i guess i still have the NCO punch hahha.

It felt really great to be able to shout again. woohoo.

Next would be Polytechnic.

Temasek Polytechnic, Computer Engineering. Why on Earth?

But lets not give a shit about why i didnt appeal for other course other than Computer Engineering. Too late anyway.

Dont look back my friend...

It sounds so geeky and techky is there such a word?

But since im in it i shall live it.

3 yrs is going to be fast.

Chop chili chop and Done!

I want to be a nerd at Poly!!

19 April-21 April Orientation :)

Im so going to wear that geeky glasses...

And one more thing June 11 CIBTC.

I just received the nomination form. And im nervous about it.

I know its just a nomination form, it doesnt guarantee that i will be chosen. But what if i am chosen and what if i am not chosen?

And to those who know me really well, you know i have that one problem which i kept telling myself, and people have been telling me not to worry so much about it. I tried, but at times it does get to me. And it is always pulling me back. But i want to conquer it.

And to my dearest friends, i miss you guys so much. Its so difficult to meet these days.

Priya, i miss you :)

It seems like everything has gone wrong.

Feel the pain, take the pill, shut the door and drown yourself.

Tapi orang yang tak beriman aje lah yang buat macam gini.

Kay, confidence, number one.

Im such an ignorant ass. Oblivious to your thoughts and feelings.

Rewind back, what is he referring to? Trust.

It must have been a misunderstanding.

I wouldnt do something unless there is a reason for it. Though, always the reason crashes into his perceptions.

The fact is im inconsistent. Thats me.

IMY

Well, im blogging here, because its my off day today...

I just want to say, that i really miss him.

I wont be able to see him for this week, but hopefully i could next week.

This week has been really challenging.

First day of work, i had to work full shift. All the way until clear up.

Clearing up was tiring because the wagons are really heavy and there were like 20 of them and only 2 people pushing them in. Not to mention the slopes too!

After that i was so exhausted, because it has been quite some time that i had to stand for very long hours. And i only had muffins for lunch and dinner. So as expected, i was hungry when i reached home. But too tired to eat, so i went to sleep. My appetite hasnt been good lately, i dont eat much, and i havent get my menses for this month, but im having abdominal cramps...

The next day which is Tuesday. I woke up in the morning to work at Prudential. At which, around 12.30pm i head to Bugis, for this other job for night shift.

Yet another exhausting day, but time really flies faster when you have a friend to talk to when there is no customer. This time round the bus was a single deck bus and it was full, so i had to stand for half the journey until i finally got a seat and close my eyes.

The very next day i had to work morning shift, dragging the wagon out and arranging them is tiring when your partner is selfish and dumb. Tell you something about this partner, she didnt help to drag out the wagons, thats fine with me because she is arranging them. But whats not fine with me is that she only handled her section and left my section for me to handle myself, i have 12 wagons while she has 8, i dont get it why she is taking so long to arrange them and lend a helping hand to me.The frustrating part was that she also arranged her section wrongly and took up a lot of space. If she arranged 2 to 2, my space would be narrower, so i shouted at her, "Listen! Arrange it 4 to 4, like in the first day, that way, i would have more space for my 12 wagons!" She's older than me, but im smarter than her.And she's so stubborn headed, just because she is experienced it does not gives her the right to do things her way.

So after the other promoter came in and took over my place, i went to had my lunch and head to Bishan to cover for someone else. Its scary to be on your own in a unfamiliar place with no guidance. Its not that i have never been to Junction8, but its the part where you have to take the back entrance and go through security checks, i have never been in there. So upon reaching there, i was sort of lost,  so i called my Manager and she gave me a really mouthful of directions, so i took note some of the important things to look for. At last, i found the door, thanks to my good sense of direction and excellent eye sight, it feels like im in amazing race. Plus, i wasnt shy to ask around, one of the lady in the security check room, helped me to punch my card and stuffs. So in the mall, i looked for my brand, and had no idea what im supposed to do. Luckily, one of the workers was kind enough to helped me and explained, she also showed me the room and the places where i can find new set of stocks. After that, i was on my own. I took the initiative to look around, learn where i could find certain stocks. After that, i felt lonely. I had no friend to talk to. There is one guy who seems friendly to everyone, but he doesnt want to talk to me. So i tried to strike a conversation, by asking how long has he been working there. But then it ended just like that too. So i just did my own stuffs, text people, scribble on a piece of paper. Its a weekday, and there werent many customers... My 5 hours, there felt very very very long.... Until a malay girl came in. She belongs to another brand which is just beside mine. In fact,i was covering up for her friend. She is really friendly. Again, i started the conversation,since she also looks bored. Then we started to talk about relationships and stuffs... Time flies much faster.

Now i think it boosted my confidence and i guess, i'll be much ready to take up new challenges. Ohhyeaahhh

And lastly, i miss you Muhammad Khalid :)

Wild

I really have nothing to write.

I love my simple life, it all started with a simple plan. It then branches out to many other plans.
I made new friends and i realised that they were somehow part of the simple initial plan. But right now, i forgot whats the plan and i have no future plans. Thus i feel so unplanned and a little messed up and disorganised. Maybe i should get myself an organiser so that i could organise my plans...

Currently, im daring myself to take up two jobs at the same time... Both are also quite far from my house. -.- but what to do. One is really slack, another, i hope it would require more discipline and more of a challenge. Challenges pisses me off, but then again it would mean that i would have something to whine and complain about. Because the problem with me is, IM BORED! So i might as well make myself useful. Generate some income for the family. And hopefully, pamper myself.

And! I cant wait to receive my 5th consecutive edusave scholarship award... it makes me feel richer for awhile. heheee

NEX mall at serangoon are filled with bowenians... geee

Sometimes, i want to be wild. But thankfully i am surrounded with people that cares to pull me back to the shores if i drift off further into the ocean.